In Memory of Mary

On Sunday we will celebrate the Resurrection and the promise of life eternal. There is a great comfort for those who hold a belief in a life beyond this one, but it cannot take away our human suffering over the fragility and brevity of this life.

Most of our friends in “retirement” come from two communities . . . ballroom dancing friends and Duplicate Bridge friends.

Twice in one week, once in each of our friendship communities, I’ve been “caught up short” and reminded how precious friendship is and how fragile life is.

The first time was on Tuesday when I learned at the Renewal of Ordination Vows that a friend, Mary, had died. Mary was a friend through ballroom dancing. From her own love of dancing, she sponsored ballroom classes at her church. The first ballroom dancing class was one sponsored by Mary. Over the past several years that we have been dancing, she has continued encouraged us and taken pride in our progress. She and I had a lot of common interests and I regret that we did not spend more time together outside of the ballroom. I knew that Mary had some health problems, but from what I learned from the mutual friend who told me about her death, she had not let anyone know how serious her health problems were. Her health issues involved a liver condition. The friend that passed on the news says that she didn’t want to tell anyone because she was afraid people would think it was from drinking. She did not drink, but her late husband was a Southern Baptist minister, so I understand her concern. The news of her death came as a shock. My sadness at the loss was increased by the fact that I had mentioned to my husband last week that I needed to call Mary and check on her since she was not at the ballroom for the last monthly USABDA (US Amateur Ballrom Dancing Ass.) dance. It wasn’t the first time I had felt that nudge to be in touch with her. Intuitively, I guess I knew more than I did rationally. And, I deeply regret that I did not take the time to make that phone call. But, I also grieve that I didn’t have a chance to say goodbye, to thank her one more time .

I will remember Mary for her sweet smile, breadth and depth of character, and for her love of dancing. She was older than I was when she took up ballroom dancing, but it gave her so much happiness, a happiness she wanted to share with others. I will always wish I had made that phone call last week. I will always regret not taking the opportunity to tell her one more time how much her friendship and encouragement in dancing meant to me.

Another shock came in our bridge community. We were playing in a sanctioned Duplicate Bridge game with eight tables and had played the first couple of rounds when the Director told us to complete the round we were on and hold. All of a sudden we were all aware that Kathleen was laying in the floor with a retired doctor kneeling by her side. She looked to be in shock. 911 was called. Thank goodness for “first responders.” Two of them arrived before promptly while it took the ambulance what seemed like forever.

After a while, they transported Kathleen to the hospital. The retired doctor went to the hospital with Kathleen and returned later to report she was looking better, but he needed someone to come and stay with her until her daughter could get there around 6 p.m.

Kathleen is elderly, but so young at heart that don’t want to imagine her anything but vibrant. She has a beautiful smile that is always accompanied by a twinkle in her eye. She is the primary caretaker for her husband who has Parkinson’s and some dementia. She gets help to come in twice a week while she gets out to play bridge.

Kathleen is quite a lady and always dresses up elegantly when she comes to Bridge
. . . . lovely outfits with matching shoes and bags and gorgeous jewelry. She says she has always dressed up for Bridge because you never know when Omar Sharif might show up! If there was an award for the Best Dressed bridge player in our Unit, Kathleen would win hands down. At the same time, she is a lovely elegantly dressed lady, she has a childlike sense of joy and delight.

I admired a sweater she had on after Christmas and she said with that twinkle in her eyes: “My husband gave me something for Christmas that he made himself.” I said: “He did? What?” She paused and said: “Money.” And, then she said she had bought the sweater and the bracelet she had one and still had some left.

The Resurrection came early for Mary. I will miss her.

I’m thinking about Kathleen tonight and hoping that she is OK and will be with us for many more bridge games. But, seeing her lying on the floor and not knowing whether it might be heart attack, stroke or whatever, again reminded me how fragile life is.

Life is surely never to be taken for granted, but lived fully day by day. I don’t take my friends for granted, but too often I let my own business and lack of energy keep me from making contact. I guess it is human nature to always think that there is time later.
But, sometimes, there isn’t.

For the first time in my life I never got around to addressing or sending a single Christmas card. I thought maybe, I’d get a letter out by Easter. That won’t happen either. But, I’ve made a short list of several people I want to call or write within the next several days.

I want to make more of a priority of keeping in touch with people I care about. If there is someone you haven’t been in touch with for a while that means something to you, I encourage you to make a call, or write a note . . . because friends one of life’s most precious gifts and life is fragile.

Remembering Mary with tears and hoping she is dancing in Heaven. Thinking about Kathleen, hoping that she is OK and will be back soon to play many more sessions of bridge.

Comments

[Fran]

I will remember Mary, too, and her grieving family and friends, Betsy. That's one of the down sides of growing older--we lose our beloved ones all too often. I remember my stepmom when she first moved to her retirement community many years ago. (She died at 93 in 1987.) She got all dressed up for a dance and one of the women died while dancing. Can't think of a better way to go, though. Both your blogs are wonderful.